IV

I want to think again of dangerous and noble things.

I want to be light and frolicsome. 

I want to be improbable, beautiful,

and afraid of nothing, as though I had wings.

– Mary Oliver

This quote stares at me all day long.  I have it sitting on my desk at work.  It’s one of my favorites because it reminds me of freedom. 

I’m a soft-spoken person.  I’m also timid, in that I’m afraid to express my thoughts and feelings a lot of the time.  There was a period when this was not the case.  I want to think again of these “dangerous and noble things;” I want to have these thoughts and feelings and feel the freedom to express them.  This first sentence also remind me of Romans 12:2 -

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind,

that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Dangerous and noble teachings are in the Bible.  Jesus teaches about ways to live and act that are against cultural norms [give to the poor, don’t live in excess, love others as yourself, etc].  My mind needs to be renewed and saved from this world so I can learn to think “again of dangerous and noble things.”

I am weighed down by stress, guilt, and anxiety of all kinds.  Some of this is because I am way too concerned about worldly things.  In my brain, being “light and frolicsome” means having all the weight lifted off your shoulders.  A lot of this anxiety is caused by lack of confidence.  So, having a renewed mind will result in confidence in Christ, because of Christ – which brings about being “light and frolicsome.”

“I want to be improbable, beautiful, and afraid of nothing, as though I had wings.”   Another word for “improbable” can be “unexpected.”  I want to be unexpected – yes, I do have shy tendencies, but when we engage in conversation… I want my personality to be unexpected!  I want to have genuine conversations in which I am fully engaged with the other person and what they’re saying – not when I half-heartedly listen because I’m too concerned about what my hair looks like and what clothes I am wearing.  (Please note: I am not always half-heartedly listening when other people talk to me!)

I want to have a beautiful heart, full of God’s Love and Joy and Peace and Wisdom.  And, I want to be afraid of nothing and feel the freedom that only God can make me feel. 

These are the longings of my heart right now.

Take delight in the Lord,    

and he will give you the desires of your heart

Psalm 37:4